28 May 2013

30 Days - Day 28 - 80's Make up, Forgiveness and Free Stuff at the Markets.

I'm finding this fan a real distraction at the moment! Remember what I said about the computer needing a service and me trying to make it last the 30 days by blasting it with my 20 year old Breezemaster??

Yeah, weird to be sitting here at 6:57 am on a rainy day with a fan on. I've got the laptop pushed away from me and my old keyboard plugged in  - I can feel the breeze if I use the laptop keyboard, plus it's easier to type on this keyboard (I've been using it all month).  

I've blogged the last couple of days from my phone - that's interesting...and very small. Dumbo me used Google to fix a mistake I'd made in a post and it kept saying the page I was opening was an unsupported one and might do weird things. It was hours later I realised I should've used the Blogger app. Rats.  

Did you know dogs have eyelashes? I didn't until I got Cody. His are short, sandy-coloured and gorgeous. He also has toe feathers. They're long, sandy-coloured and gorgeous. 

So yeah, I was cleaning out yesterday. I actually wrote a blog post in my notebook and was going to type it later in the day (didn't want to turn the computer on and have it sit for hours in between jobs). 

Here's the post:

12:10 pm

Time to start clearing out. Might start with the bookshelf I did a couple of weeks ago and see if I can pare it down even more. After that I'm just going to start opening cupboards and doors all around the place and see what happens. Watch out you cluttery stuff, I'm on a mission!

I'm going to put the timer on for an hour. The timer helps me manage large jobs. I can't face huge things I know will take me hours, so I put a limit on it with the timer. I'll commit to an hour for this clearing out and see what happens. 

Okay...one hour...go. 

1:25 pm 

Right, I didn't clear out much, I cleaned! 

Did the bathroom vanities and toilets etc, but also my top drawer in the ensuite which gets in a mess. It houses my makeup and bits and catches all the hair. I cleaned all that out and ended up chucking some 20 year old makeup. I don't have a lot of make up, but some of what I did have was old and barely used. I had a blush (prob from the 80s) that was brand new, basically, ie. hard to throw out. 

Gosh, why did I keep it all that time?

Because it was new-looking.

Because it was expensive at the time. 

Because I could use it  - it wasn't a horrible shade, in fact I'm wearing it now :o)

Why did I chuck it in the end?

Because when I used it it crumbled - the consistency was off. Out it went. 

Clearing out is hard. 

"I could use this!"

"I might need this!"

"I want to use this!" 

(Use it then I tell myself)

"I can't use all this!" 

(I can't use all the scrapbooking paper I have and I really don't have a lot. I go through it often and don't buy much. I've definitely curtailed that.)

"But it's new!"

"But I paid good money for it!"

Makes me think about clearing out emotions...

"But I'm right!"

"But she hurt me!"

"I don't want to forgive. I won't."

"Gosh, she's got no idea!"

"I hate all this. People are so annoying sometimes."

"It's not fair!"

"This is stupid..."

"I'm really upset. I don't want to get over it."

Oh Lord, makes me sigh. We all know what it's like. We get hurt, we get upset, we grapple. 

Life hurts. We hurt. It's just the nature of it. 

I hurt others, too. I'm very aware of that. I don't intentionally, but it does happen. 

Forgiveness - it's hard to forgive sometimes, but I do. 

I do it for myself (so I'm not walking around mad all the time).

I do it for them (so someone's not walking around mad at them all the time).

I do it because it's the right thing to do. 

And I do it because I need others to do it for me when I mess up. 

We all mess up and need forgiveness. I remember that when someone does something to me. I've probably inflicted the same pain somewhere along the way, so I try to let it go and move on. 

I hope that's making sense. I forgive because I want forgiveness to be a part of my life. Sometimes it takes a while to get there, but I get there. 

And I'm not talking about BIG things here. Big things need forgiveness as well, but they're not what I'm talking about here; I'm talking about the small things. 

Careless words. 

Hurtful comments. 

A lack of understanding. 

A sharp tongue. 

A misinterpretation of intentions. 

You know, all those things...

They've been inflicted on me...

...and I've inflicted them. 

Hurts me to say that. I know how words hurt and I hate that I've done that. 

Sometimes my own feelings have gotten in the way and I've been mean. 

Sometimes I've been hurt and lashed back. 

Sometimes something's hit a nerve and I've gotten upset. 

Sometimes I've kept my calm and stated my case...and I've been shot down. 

Dealing with life's conflicts can be very hard. 

Not dealing with them is harder. 

I'm not talking about talking to all and sundry that have hurt you in an attempt to get them to say sorry, I'm not talking about that.  

Okay, I am talking about that if the situation warrants it. Sometimes we need to talk about things and work them through with the other person, but for whatever reason sometimes it's not possible.

If that's the case, we need to forgive and move on on our own

How do you know if you've forgiven someone?

I think Dr Phil once said that if you still want to put your hands around their throat and hurt them, well...you haven't forgiven them.

And I'm saying - If you still want to put your hands on their shoulders and shake them or if you imagine yourself standing in front of them blasting them for all your worth, well, you've not forgiven them. 

Yeah, that puts it in perspective, doesn't it? 

Oh Lord, I still want to blast them...I've got some work to do here. Know that feeling? Big sigh and a big nanna neigh...

It's hard. 

But in the end it's easy because there's nothing they said that the Lord didn't hear, He knows it hurts and I don't have to tell Him anything about it; He just knows. 

(That being said, I have told Him all about it because I've needed to talk about it!)

Basically whether someone's hurt us, or we've hurt someone (which we can be sorry for and there's no chance to say sorry), we need to work in out in us, so it's not a problem for us

If everyone took care of their own pain, it'd be so much easier, wouldn't it?

Hello, easier said than done. My word, that's a big one. 

Jesus took it all on the cross for us - He took all the pain for US, so we wouldn't have to. 

He took all the pain, so we wouldn't have to hold onto it and let it destroy us. 

He took all the pain of the past, the present and the future. 

The hurt that you're going to inflict tomorrow; He's already taken it. 

The hurt that was inflicted on you last Tuesday; He's already taken it. 

You don't have to carry it. I don't have to carry it. 

All the pain. 

All the hurt. 

All our stuff. 

He's taken it, dealt with it and we don't have to walk in it. 

BIG SIGH. 

BIG BREATH. 

Gosh, if that doesn't make you breath deeply, I don't know what will. 

HE'S TAKEN IT. 

HE'S TAKEN IT. 

HE'S TAKEN IT TIMES A BILLION, TRILLION, INFINITY AND FOREVER.

I hate carrying around clutter in me. Absolutely hate it. So why do I do it? 

Because I'm human. 

Because I forget. 

Because I know that He took all sin and death and disease, but all pain? Infertility pain? Why not, let's just throw it in there.

Life pain? From all those little things I mentioned before - careless words, hurtful comments - yep, chuck 'em in. 

It's like having a big wash cycle going and then chucking a tea towel in at the last minute - it's going, why not do it all? 

All pain. 

I'm walking around in amazement at that at the moment. I'm sitting down - fair enough - but in my mind I'm walking around in amazement at that!

The one thing I've found frustrating about physically clearing out is the whole end bit. The donating, selling bit. Donating is okay because usually it's a quick stop off at the donation bin or somewhere else, but the selling bit! My goodness, we pile the stuff up on the shelves in the garage and wait until market time. It can be months. I find more stuff and try to stick it on the shelves. I have to re-organise it to make it fit. 

Why am I storing this stuff?? I don't want it! 

(Because Andrew wants to take it to the markets)

Why am I going through this stuff again??? Because I found something else I don't want and I have to make it fit on here. I've already re-arranged these boxes once and I'm doing it again!!!

OOOOOH, IT'S SO ANNOYING AND ALL FOR STUFF THAT I GOT RID OF LONG AGO!!!!!!!

How I hate re-visiting stuff I've already sorted and gotten rid of. I've already spent the time on it and I don't want to do it again. I don't want to store it for months, lug it into the car, lug it out again, set it up on a table and flog it off to someone. 

And I know what I'm frustrated about - I know there's stuff downstairs that we've taken back and forth to the markets a few times. Some stuff you just can't chuck out, but gosh, it's a burden to bring it back home and store it again. I'd rather just go and set up a table and say, "Free." 

I'd rather just set up my life table and say, "Free" too. I've gone through my life and found stuff that's broken and damaged and gotten rid of it and now I'm free. 

And Jesus took it all. 

I can see myself with all my stuff set up at the markets and Him coming along and buying it all and me left with empty tables in front of me. 

Can you picture it? 

Can you feel the relief?? 

I mean, why do you go to the markets? To get rid of stuff. 

What did He do? He took it. 

HE TOOK IT. 

I was thinking before, Okay my extra scrapbooking stuff goes to the markets or gets donated or whatever, but where do my emotions go? What do I do with them??? 

I now know. He takes them. 

But I have to put them somewhere first. I have to be willing to go through them, identify them and sort them out. I have to lug them into submission and then put them out for Him to take.  

From now on I'm going to picture myself with tables in front of me at the markets. 

I'm going to picture me putting hurts, feelings, emotions on them when I need to and Jesus walking by and taking them. 

And can you picture a box of tissues? Good, because they're on the table. He's leaving them for me. 

:o) 

I love you, Lord, You're amazing. You're supreme. 

PS. With de-cluttering/clearing out comes cleaning, have you noticed?

Clear off the shelves, clean the shelves, put the kept stuff back on. 

Clear out the make up drawer, clean the drawer, clean the containers, put the kept stuff back in. 

De-cluttering/clearing out and cleaning = sparkly new. 

Someone pass me the Spray and Wipe, I'm cleaning my tables! 

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