Okay, let's start this from the top for the one thousandth time.
The one thousandth time for me, the first for you, unless you're on your second read-through because it was so good. Was it good? I don't know, I haven't written it yet.
I've written some; I've got fragments and half-finished things all over the place. Today's been one of those days - I've been here; it just hasn't come together as a whole.
I think some of the, Now I've really started it, I've gotta finish it, set in today.
And some of the, What really are my expectations here? And what are His? thoughts came for a visit.
It's 5:39 pm and I'm no-where near finished.
My question to myself is - do I have to write a full thing every day and publish it every day? Or do I just show up and write and then publish each post when it's finished?
That was two questions, but this is the problem! One question comes, and then another and another, and I find myself walking around the house not knowing what to do.
I went to visit Aunt Loo late this afternoon and then made a cup of tea (which is what you always do) and I knew the answer straight away (and not because of the cup of tea, but it always helps).
I have to publish every day. Rats. Well, non-rats and rats at the same time.
Rats because that's a lotta work.
Non-rats because that's a lotta work, but it least it gets it done. Hey, 30 days and we're done. There's an end, a finish, a full-time bell! Unfortunately though, there's a lot of game time in between and I don't know how to play yet.
Hearing me? Getting my drift? If you're here for the third day in a row, good for you. Amazing for you. There are a lotta words going under this old bloggo bridge and if you're reading them all...well, you're amazing. The amount of words is enough to scare anyone off, I know that. Whoa, baby. I've written over 12 000 words in the last three days and I'm dazed. It's like being back in Uni and pumping out a 3000 word assignment every day, except I never pumped out a 3000 word assignment every day. I probably did 16 a semester (half year), does that sound right? Nah, sounds too much, it was probably eight. Whatevs, I'm here and I'm writing and I'm making it up as I go along.
The first thing I did this morning was re-read yesterday's post to get the flow of where I was going today. I edited that post a bit and fixed a few things up.
I then added a lot of new thoughts to it and decided they needed to be cut and pasted out, so they could be added to a new post.
I then re-read, edited and added to, all those extra thoughts that I threw into another Word document yesterday. It felt right to be there doing that, but I was procrastinating a bit, too, I'll be honest.
Over there (in that 'extra thoughts' document) I was talking about a lot of things.
Myself as a (school) teacher and a crafter.
Teacher = black and white.
Crafter = colourful.
That is, a mix of opposites.
And cores and extremities...
Cores = important.
Extremities = secondary.
Again, a mix of opposites.
Structures and decorations...
Structure = the core creator in us - the parts of us that don't change. For example, I like colourful things and I always will.
Decorations = the different things we try and have fun with in our creative journey.
Another mix of opposites.
Being sequential v non-sequential (random)...
Sequential = my default.
Randomness = a learned behaviour for me.
A definite mix of opposites.
Opposites attracting and working together is obviously the theme of all that writing.
Can you see that I like to draw comparisons, make connections and connect dots??
I conceptualise things - it makes them easier to handle.
The whole emotional thing of me constantly talking about our baby situation, and Andrew not talking about it, created a lot of angst for both of us. When I conceptualised it into the "it hurts me more if I don't talk about it; it hurts you more if you do" statement, it didn't fix anything, but gave us a structure to hang our future behaviour on. Does that make sense? It took that whole problem from a big, thriving mess into one small box we could carry.
The other reason I conceptualise things is so I can work out if I want to keep them or not.
The Andrew and I one above was obviously a keeper. I can't think of one right now that went straight to the garbage, but trust me, a few of 'em have been slam dunked right in there.
Hey, who wants to be surrounded by rubbish all day? Not me.
That's what this is all about - conceptualising the mess, so we can work out what to keep and what to toss.
I think I've found today's clincher. Finally.
Conceptualising the mess, so we can work out what to keep and what to toss.
Conceptualising the mess, so we can work out what to do and what not to do.
Conceptualising the mess, so we can work out what to say and what not to say.
Conceptualising the mess, so we can help each other and move on.
That's what this is all about, that's why I'm here. I know it's not craft related, but I also know it is. We'll see how it unfolds.
And lastly, remember the questions I asked before about how to approach this whole 30 day thing?
Do I write a full thing every day and publish it every day? Or do I just show up and write every day, and publish the post when it's finished? (Which might mean 20 posts in 30 days or something like that)
After talking about mixing opposites all day, I knew I had to follow the structure (post every day for 30 days), but rely on inspiration while writing each post.
So there you go, that's the concept behind all this. Inspiration within the structure. It's packaged and easy to carry. Nice.
Time for a shower and to take my contact lenses out. My eyes are starting to rebel and spit them out.
Goodnight to you, see you tomorrow.
PS. Cody says hi. He's sleeping on his bed all laid out and happy at the moment. We went for a walk out in the gorgeous sunshine today. He sniffed at and went on everything as usual...
PS. Close of business; 9:03 pm.